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>>Saturday, December 04, 2004

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68,
and 78 ?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!


At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you??


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"Well, yes, I do" he replied.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

School Play - (If this doesn't make you laugh, there is absolutely no
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Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play. The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden.... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The second little boy was to reply by saying,
"Hark! - a pistol shot!"

Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loudly as soon as the curtain goes up.

The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin.

The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words..... "My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your hole with soap."

The second boy screams out....."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, this is bull shit... I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway..."

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say theline Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play hes practicing his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"

"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"


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insurance money!"

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Herman,
remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the
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Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the
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Eating Dogs

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

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Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards him. "Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs
in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry
to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'

The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"


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The first people to make chocolate were the native people of Mesoamerica (the area that is now called Central America). These people - the Maya and the Aztec ? used the pods of the cacao tree, which is native to Central and South America, to make chocolate.



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Anonymous Anonymous said...

The first people to make chocolate were the native people of Mesoamerica (the area that is now called Central America). These people - the Maya and the Aztec ? used the pods of the cacao tree, which is native to Central and South America, to make chocolate.



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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cat 'gives birth to pups'

Scientists are baffled after a cat apparently gave birth to pups in Brazil.

Mimi's owner says she got pregnant after mating with a neighbour's dog.

Cassia Aparecida de Souza, from Passo Fundo, says Mimi had a litter of six babies - three cat-like and the rest looking like dogs.

Geneticists are testing blood samples to confirm the species, reports the Sun.

Unlikely hybrids have happened before but always between closely related species.

Lions and tigers have produced 'ligers', while a 'wolphin', half killer whale and half bottlenose dolphin, also exists.

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Before he could pull the trigger, his friend pointed at a funeral procession
passing on the road below their stand.

The hunter slowly set his rifle back down, took off his hat, bowed his head
and closed his eyes in prayer.

His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing
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His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing
I have ever seen. You are the kindest man I have ever known."

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Open wider

There was a couple going at it for the first time, and after a while, the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider.

She does and they continue.

A few minutes go by and he tells her again, "Open your legs a little wider."

She does, then he says again, "A little wider, hon."

The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.

This continues until he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"

So she finally yells, "What are you trying to do; get your balls in too?"

He says "No, I'm trying to get them out."


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Go swimming in a full business suit. If people notice, act like they're the weirdos.

Put sea shell to your ear and announce to first person to pass by, "It's for you!" Repeat several times.

Throw jellyfish around.

Tune radio to all-news station and blast as loud as you can, then nod your head and snap your fingers like you're
listening to some happenin' tunes.

Act like a sea gull.

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Ways To Annoy people On The Beach

Ask everyone you meet, "Hot enough for you?"

Sing the "Barney" theme song as loud as you can.

If you see kids building a sand castle, say, "That's not a real castle!"

Every time when you're about to duck under the water, yell, "Down periscope!"

Go swimming in a full business suit. If people notice, act like they're the weirdos.

Put sea shell to your ear and announce to first person to pass by, "It's for you!" Repeat several times.

Throw jellyfish around.

Tune radio to all-news station and blast as loud as you can, then nod your head and snap your fingers like you're
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Act like a sea gull.

Wear t-shirt that says, "I'm the coolest dude on this pathetic beach. No autographs please."


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?"

Little Johnny:- "None Miss".

Teacher:- "Could you tell me why?"

Little Johnny:- "Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away".

Teacher:- "Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny:- "Miss, while were asking questions, could I ask you one?"

Teacher:- "Its a bit irregular, but go on then"

Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?"

Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one."

Little Johnny:- "Well Id have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking."


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Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?"

Little Johnny:- "None Miss".

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Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?"

Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one."

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